For many years, I believed that nothing would complete me other than being a Mom. When I was married to Jesse, I couldn't imagine living my life not being a Mom. Thank God for that because I wouldn't have Emily without my drive and determination to become a Mom. For a LONG time, I dealt with the grief of never being a pregnant Mommy. I came to realize that becoming a Mommy was more important than growing a baby, but there is always this deep down longing to be pregnant and have a baby that way.
That was before. That was before I had everything in life I could ever want. I truly feel that when I was married to Jesse I was always searching to fill some void. Even though I never realized it then, something was missing. That was before.
Today, I have everything I could ever want. I have my baby girl that I could not imagine my life without. I have a job that I love and allows me to do what I enjoy and be able to be home certain times of the year. I now have the love of my life. I really know that I am with the man who I was made for. I have everything I've ever wanted with him. I have a man who loves me and adores me, at my best and at my worst. He loves my daughter as much as I do. He has a job that helps provide for us. We enjoy doing things together; things I love, things he loves, things we love. He worries about us, he takes care of us and he makes me want to be a better "wife", mom, teacher and person. We have a healthy, loving, giving relationship that just works. It doesn't take a lot of work to be with someone that I've cared about for so many years, it's just a natural love.
The weirdest and most beautiful thing about this relationship is I don't need anything more. I have all I have ever wanted. I can't wait to marry him and become a family with the three of us. Over the past few months, I've come to realize that I'm so content, but not in a bad way. I'm happy where my life is. We have it all. We have our family, we have each other, we have our time as a family and our time alone. We talked about future children and both of us are open to it, but both of us also believe we have all we ever need or want with what we have.
That feels so weird for me to type. I'm not saying if we were to have a baby I wouldn't be happy, but I don't NEED a baby. It feels so weird for me, but it's truly how I feel. I, for the first time in my life, am not wanting more than what I have today. I have it all. I really do and I just feel so blessed. Life is good.
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