With that being said, I've really been thinking about what Jesse did to me. I've been thinking about how disgusting some people are. Two of the "women" (I use this term loosely and would really like to call them something else) were people I knew. One a girl who worked at the restaurant with him that I hated. She was so gross to me. Such a hoebag. One year, for Halloween, she was a Corona bottle. Except for the fact that she wore nothing but paint on her upper half...The other was a friend. Someone I loved and worked with for a long time. The thing that's been getting me is how could someone do that. How was it when they were done doing what they did? Did they look at each other in shame? Did they laugh? Did they feel good, bad? Even more disturbingly, especially for my "friend," how the hell did you face me and fake it.
I'll never be able to wrap my mind around how Jesse was able to do it. I strongly believe he did it our entire relationship, so he'd become very used to it.
I just don't get it?! How could people do that? What disturbs me even more is that people in Jesse's life think I was the cheater!! Steve and I started dating shortly after I had filed and Jesse made it seem like I was the reason my marriage ended. That used to bother me and it does a little still. But I know the truth, so does God and so does Jesse. Jesse has to look at himself in the mirror every day and know in his heart, he is the reason he lost his family.
I know I'm in such a better place. I have a boyfriend who loves me so much. He tells me numerous times a day! He takes care of Emily and me and he wants a good life for all of us. He does so much for me and I love him so much.
As much as all the crap hurt that I went through, my old life seems like a lifetime ago. It feels like a distant dream. I have the relationship I've always fantasized about. I have the daughter I have wished and hoped for. I try not to look back in the rearview mirror, but sometimes you have to in order to see how far you've come and how much you never want to go back!
