Ugh! Exes...

I'm so ready for this weekend to be over.  Jesse's sister is getting married today.  I asked him back in January, when I learned Emily would be the flower girl, if it would be possible for me to come and see her dressed up in her flower girl dress.  He said, yes and we'd figure it out.

A few weeks ago, our babysitter had to go to a funeral, so his mom watched Emily during the day.  I went to pick her up from their house.  While I was there, his sister getting married was there and she said I could come to the house to see Emily.  I thought that was a dumb idea for two reasons, 1) the whole point would be for me to see Emily dressed and ready, would she really be ready at the house and 2) she really wanted me to come to the house?!  My plan was to come to the hall, call Jesse, have him bring her out and I'm on my way... That was what I was thinking.

When Jesse came to pick up Emily on Thursday morning, he dropped the bomb that I wasn't welcome at the wedding.  I could still come to the house.  Well, my cousin's baby shower was today and I said I was disappointed, but if SOMEONE could tell me a time she would be dressed and ready, I'd come to the house.  I texted all through the day, he never had an answer other than her hair was getting done at 12:30.  Okay.  But when would she be DRESSED and READY?  I kept texting him about how dumb it was that he wouldn't work with me and he said he was, I could come to the house.  Finally, I just said, I want to see her, put yourself in my shoes, if my sister were getting married, you wouldn't want to see her dressed up, get a picture with her and show her that we are all adults who can come together for her.  The final thing I texted was Am I still picking Emily up after dinner?  The only reason I offered was to allow you and your family time to enjoy yourselves and not worry about getting Emily to bed.  He finally texted back, Meet me in the parking lot at 3:20.  I'll bring her out after pictures.

So, I went and saw her.  I'll be going in a bit to go get her for the night.  It just really pisses me off that it turned into a knock-down, drag-out day of fighting.  I ultimately got to see Em, but it's so annoying having to share your most prized possession with someone who doesn't like to work with you!  Ugh!

Everything Happens For a Reason

I'm just thinking back to last Mother's Day!  I was so confused, happy, but heartbroken. I knew in my heart my marriage was over, but I wasn't sure if I had the strength to deal with all the drama and stress that divorce would bring.  I remember going out to breakfast with Jesse because I felt sorry for him.  I remember him telling me his goals were for us to raise Emily to the best of our ability and for us to be friends.

I can't believe how much has changed in the year.  I mean the divorce was pretty devastating and, at times, just dreadful and agonizing.  But looking at my life from where I am today, I know, without a doubt, this was the path God meant for me to be on.

I know that if I never married Jesse, which I questioned Him many times, why did you let me do it if it was going to end like this?  Well, I think I know a couple reasons.  The number one and most important is if I never married Jesse, I would probably not have my baby girl.  Emily is the light of my life and holds my heart in those chubby little hands.  I never knew if I'd be a good mom, still don't at times, but I know that I love her with all that I am and I would do anything for her.  I am the most blessed woman on the planet for having such a gift.  She is the most amazing gift I've ever been given and there' not a day that passes that I don't thank God and Theresa for her.

The second reason is Steve.  Steve and I have been friends since we were freshmen in college.  He thought I was an annoying, peppy girl who enjoyed high school too much and irritated him even more when I was drinking and got even more "happy."  As life turned out, he dated one of my best friends for quite some time.  Steve learned to deal with me, as I learned to deal with his crabbiness.  We had a pretty special friendship.  We were just always there for each other.  We didn't talk all the time, but when we did, we'd pick up like no time had passed.  They broke up and I remember telling my friend, "don't make me choose between the two of you."  I was able to keep a friendship with both of them and soon, Steve became a friend that when I would go up to visit Jesse at work, I'd call to see if he wanted to come with me.  I tried setting him up with family and friends to keep him "in the family."

He had some struggles through the years and had a hard time finishing school.  When I called him last year, out of the blue, after not talking for almost a year, he told me he only had a few more semesters of school.  I was so proud of him.  I never doubted that he would finish school.  It just took him some time.  How long did it take him to finish?  Well, he just graduated 2 weeks ago.  If he would've finished school when he was "supposed to," I can just about guarantee he and I wouldn't be.  If I would have never married Jesse, I'm sure he and I would never be.

Because, I believe, life happens for a reason, our paths have led us down some dark and lonely roads alone, but we have met back up and provided each other with the love and support we have both always dreamed of.  I feel so lucky to have a boyfriend who wants to be with me and wants to do things with me.  He goes running with me, even though he hates it.  He's signed up to do the Warrior Dash with me this summer, as well as, the Detroit Free Press Marathon Relay.  He bought me an awesome mountain bike so we can ride together.

When he's over, he helps with stuff around the apartment; vacuuming, laundry, cooking, dishes...  I feel, for the first time in ANY relationship, like I have a partner.  Someone who loves me, wants the best for me and wants to do life with me.

As I sit here this afternoon before Mother's Day, I know I am one lucky mom and girlfriend.  Life is really good!!