Steve and I both agree that we want to keep it smaller and we don't want to spend a fortune to have a wedding. It's a day and we would like to buy a house with new furniture. We're trying to be responsible and realize it's not worth it in the long run. I was really hoping for a destination wedding. I thought it would be the cheapest option but it's not looking that way.
I had a meltdown yesterday and after we hung up, I really tried to soul search about why I was so upset. I want some aspects of a traditional wedding. Some aspects, I couldn't care less! I want my dress. I found it, I love it, I want to look beautiful for Steve. I want a first dance for he and I, Emily and Steve and for us as a family. I want family and friends there. But I struggle with that because my dad is one of 12. We have a huge family. Can I just invite cousins that I talk to? Is that rude? My younger cousin got married last summer and I don't think he invited too many cousins, or aunts and uncles for that matter, but I don't know if or how to do that? That causes me a lot of anxiety.
Steve and I tabled wedding talk for the day yesterday and I apologized and really need to work on letting it go and not feeling pressure of everyone else's idea of what we need to do and figure out what works for Steve and me! I think a lot of things are playing into my stress. I'm really missing him a lot. It's hard to plan a wedding with your fiancé on the other side of the world. I'm excited but nervous for our trip next week. I just want him home. I've got to refocus everything and stop and breathe. It'll all work out. In the end all that matters is Steve, Emily and I becoming a family. How it happens is just a minor detail.
I remember being so stressed over wedding planning! Dusty didn't like most of my ideas! Ha!
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I say do what is best for you! If anyone is offended, that is their problem and they will get over it. I felt some twinges of sadness that I wasn't there at my cousin's wedding but at the same time I totally respect their decisions. Wedding planning is a huge under-taking and not everyone likes to be in front of a crowd. Different strokes for different folks. FWIW, I don't think I'd ever plan a wedding again. It was just so much to do and stress over and pay for! Go somewhere beautiful and do it YOUR way! Love you!
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