So Much To Say...

Christmas Eve is here today and I realize it's been FOREVER since I've posted.  Not because I don't have anything to say, but probably a little bit of fear.  So much has changed in my life and I'm a little afraid to be happy with it.  I keep doubting myself.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall.  I mean, true happiness can't be mine, can it?

I think about all I've come through and all I've overcome and I still doubt myself.  I don't doubt myself in the area of making the right or wrong choice anymore.  I know leaving my dysfunctional marriage was the best thing for me...and Emily, but I doubt myself in other ways.

I doubt myself in my career.  Can I really keep doing this job?  Is this really the career God wants me to do?  There must be something better for me.

I doubt myself as a mother. Emily has her moments when she tests me or can be a top notch brat and I wonder am I really doing a good job?  Is she going to be a good girl?  Will she grow up to love God?  Am I showing her the "right" way?

I doubt myself in my relationship.  Does Steve really love me?  Can this be real to be this happy and natural with someone?  Will he leave me too?

I don't really have an answer for myself today other than I believe these feelings are all normal and I've got to remember who to look for during these times of doubt.  I won't find the answers asking friends or watching tv.  I have to look to God and have Him help me to discern what the right answer is.  Right now I have a lot of uncertainty.  I just realize now that I need to get back in with God and trust Him.  He's gotten me this far...I'm not going to stop now!