When Steve and I first started dating, my first concern was for Emily, obviously. Steve had never been married. He never even talked about having kids. I didn't think it would work because of that. He has surprised me in many ways. He is such an amazing support with Emily. Watching her with him, makes my heart melt. She loves him. I love watching her giggle as she climbs on him like a jungle gym or when she's sleepy and cuddles up in his arms.
I'm pretty sure this relationship is going somewhere for the long haul. We talk about being married all the time. We both have some hurdles to get through before that can happen. With that said, the other day, he shocked me to my core and I don't know how to respond. The other night he called to say good night. He was hanging out with his buddy. A little into the conversation, he started talking about Emily and how much he loves her and how much it stinks that he is with her a lot more than Jesse, but he will get the title of "Dad" and all he'll ever be is "Steve." I didn't know what to say, but I explained that he is her dad and that I know it's hard, but he's important to her. I reassured him that she loves him and that when she starts talking she can call him whatever she would like.
I told him that I could see when we get married asking Jesse's permission to have her call him Dad or Daddy Steve, but until then, I don't really think it's appropriate. He got a little mad. I really didn't know what to say. It was kind of a double edge sword. On one hand I was happy he care, but on the other, I really can't have her call him Dad until we're married.
He's brought it up again and I just said she loves you and when we're engaged, we can talk about it. I don't know what to do or what to say. Does anyone have any advice??
Hannah and Emily are pretty close in age so I tried to put your situation in my shoes. :)
ReplyDeleteI have to say it's a tough situation.
But I have to say I agree with you. I think actually once you get married, she can call him "Dad" but I think honestly before then, I think it would confuse her if it didn't work out in the long run...not that it won't, but if by chance it doesn't and all of a sudden Dad isn't around, I think she'll be so confused.
If it were me, I would stick to my guns and wait until there is a more "finality" to the relationship. After all, Jesse is legally her dad even though Steve is around her more.
But, with Mark's boys, before we were married, I was Tammy. After that I was their stepmom and I told them then they were free to call me whatever they were comfortable with. Until then, I honestly didn't feel I had a right to be a "parent".
I promise I'm not saying one way or the other is right or wrong. :) Just trying to put myself in your shoes and try to think of what I would do if I had to handle that with Hannah.
Above all, your the mom and you know what's best for Emily. And you're an awesome mom and always look out for her best needs.
Love ya girl. Always here for you
I totally agree with you and Tammy. Once you're married it'll be different but I think she would just be confused to call him "dad" now. Glad you're so happy!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. I have a friend who got remarried when her son was two. He called her husband "buddy" for the longest time. So cute! Now he's seven and calls him dad. My friend wanted her son to decide what to call her husband. He has a dad that loves him, so she didn't want to force the issue, but he decided on his own. Good luck! Whatever you do will be right for you guys!
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