Part 2

So, Part 1 was basically Monday.  The day I thought was the worst day of my life.  That is until Tuesday came along, but I'll get there in a bit.

I took Tuesday off work.  I knew there was no way I'd be able to manage being at work.  Jesse and I took the dogs and Em for a walk.  I think I was numbing it all. I kept thinking that we had to stay together.  Emily wasn't officially ours.  I began to think that this would be our story.  You know, the story every couple has that marks how strong they are!

Jesse went to work shortly after, and I spent the whole day home with Emily wondering how we'd get through this. How could this happen?  I couldn't wait for him to get home to make the call so we could begin to heal.  The minute he walked in, I said, "okay, are you ready?"  I think he thought I'd forget or something?!  But as soon as he walked in, I was on him.  I made him put her on speaker phone.  I wanted to hear her voice.  I listened as he called and told her that he was sorry, but he couldn't talk to her anymore.  He said that he was going to work things out with me.  She sounded upset and hung up on him.  I felt relieved.  I didn't know how, but it was time to move past.

As he hung up the phone, I sat next to him and told him, it would be hard for me to trust him again, but somehow we'd get through it.  That was when the story got worse, much worse!  He started talking about leading double lives.  I thought he was referring to my friend from church.  I was so confused.  It was like the room started spinning.  I asked him to tell me what he meant.  I wasn't understanding.  And then it all became crystal clear, "This isn't the first time I've cheated on you!"  WHAT?!  What did you just say?!  I asked him what the hell he was talking about.  That's when he revealed that he had cheated on me throughout our whole relationship.  He cheated on me with some chick at State when he would go up to see Jeff in college and then came the worst part.  He cheated on me with a hoebag that he used to work at Fin-tini's with and then he cheated on me with a friend while we were married!  I was sick to my stomach.  I still don't know how I didn't throw up?!  I started throwing picture frames around the house screaming that none of the memories were real!  I asked him how he could do it?!  Why?  He gave me some bogus line about infertility and then when I would threaten that if he didn't adopt, I'd have to leave because I wanted to be a mom, it made him hurt and that he lost me, so he cheated on me.

I called my friend Stacie.  She came right over.  I was a wreck.  This was devastating.  My entire relationship and marriage were a lie!  We had gone to counseling together for years!  All the while I was always the focus.  I was always the one who needed the work.  We went to church together.  We just got baptized together 6 months prior!  What the hell?

When Stacie got there, I kicked him out.  I told him to leave.  I was so heartbroken, lost, scared.  Scared because how could I ever trust him now?  Scared because how could I divorce him before our adoption was final?  Scared because how could God give me my precious baby girl only to have my life shattered 4 months later?  I cried all night.  I didn't sleep much at all.  I tried calling him, I don't know why, but I did.  He wouldn't answer.  I remember just watching the tv and checking my phone throughout the whole night.  I slept a bit, but not much.  I remember thinking, "my life is a Lifetime movie!"

I was shocked.  Needless to say, I took Wednesday off work.  I went to see someone at church.  I asked Jesse to go with me, but he wouldn't go with me.  The pastor gave me a rock and told me the story of Samuel.  He told me to cling to God.  God would give me the answers I needed.  No one can give me the answers except for Him.  I went to read the bible and be alone at the park.  What the heck had happened to my life?

Jesse never came back home after that night.  I didn't want him to.  He would come home during the day to watch Emily, but every night was alone.  He never came home.  I'll fill you in more what happened in the weeks and months that followed.  Some trivia that I thought was weird was this last girl he cheated on me with worked at a hair salon just 2 doors down from the pizzeria.  No wonder he wasn't excited when I offered to come to the pizzeria to help out!  His affair would be over.

Okay, that's all I can write about today.