I had lunch with some high school friends today and one of them was teasing about how she gets intuition about things. I jokingly said, "Well, where were you for me? Why didn't you feel anything about my marriage?!" She said she never thought I'd go through what I did, but that I always seemed tense or on edge. She assumed it was due to something else, not knowing that it was because of my marriage.
That made me think. I never thought my marriage was a "bad" one. I thought we had a "normal" marriage. But, really gut checking and looking back, I know we didn't. We argued all the time. I just assumed it was a banter, but I think there was more to it. When he asked me to marry him, I was so upset that he didn't ask my dad for his permission! That bothered me A TON! I think I had signs that I should've walked away before it led to marriage, but I was so certain I was making the right decision. I was sure that I was doing the right thing.
Whether I made the right choice or not, is not the case. I did marry him. We did go through years of infertility. We did adopt our amazing baby girl. I did divorce him.
I don't know what's to come of my future, but I know whatever does come, I am so much happier than I ever imagined I could be. I know that I will do things different in my current relationship. I know that I will be ok.
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I had a get together to celebrate getting through all the baloney that I had gone through. Here are some pictures from the night.
